A L!ttlE B!t oF Wh!mSy

i don't really know why i keep doing this to myself...i've been through a lot and i'm certainly old enough but i just don't know why i still keep falling for the wrong people....i know i can't be called stupid.so the question then would be, "if i'm not stupid,what am i?".

sometimes i feel like banging my head on a wall...hoping that that will be the end to all my problems.but, the coward in me just can't stand the thought of pain.so i make do with what i have and continue to live my sorry excuse for a life...

i got to talk to my so-called "friend" again today.thank goodness we didn't go on and on and on about his unrequited love for this girl/woman/b*tch that he also refers to as his bestfriend.if i weren't so in-like with him and too afraid that having him face the godawful truth that she just doesn't like him might end our daily conversations, i'd go all the way to where he is and slap the doggone info on his face.but then again...as i am the coward that i am...i had to restrain the impulse and keep my opinions to myself.

i know that what i'm doing isn't good for me.why should it be when i'm hurting myself just talking to him?he tells me about his "bestfriend' and my stomach turns and my heart does this little twitching move...but do i stop?of course not!!! i continue to torture myself and give these little food for thoughts hoping that sooner or later he'll realize how futile this exercise is and finally stop...

i hope it does...and i hope it happens soon...because if it doesn't i might just keel over and die...

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